Ends of the Earth: Gay Romance Page 5

  “Here, let me help.” Ben gently pushed Jason’s hands aside and zipped the jacket in one smooth motion. Standing so close, Jason stared at the curl of Ben’s long, dark eyelashes. Up close without the ranger hat, he could see the warm hint of auburn in Ben’s short, thick hair.

  Ben slowly tightened the straps on the jacket. Jason’s throat went dry, and he swallowed hard. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck, his heart skipping as Ben did up one buckle and tugged. One of his hands rested lightly on Jason’s hip, and Jason swore his skin tingled even through the cotton of his shorts and T-shirt.

  He held his breath as Ben tested the other buckle. A moment later, Ben stepped away with an easy smile. “There you go.” He turned to Maggie. “Is your helmet comfortable?”

  Jason loosened the strap of his own helmet to wipe a band of sweat from his forehead. He took a deep breath. Maybe a dip in the glacial water would do him good.

  “Okay, everyone! Let’s take our positions.” Ben told the gathered group where to sit, placing Maggie and Jason near him in the back. There were nine people in the raft, including Ben. Everyone had his or her own paddle but Maggie, much to her chagrin.

  “But that’s not fair! I want to paddle too!”

  “Baby, you’re not big enough to reach. I’m sorry.” Wincing internally, Jason could see a hissy fit coming on and kept his voice low and calm.

  “It’s not fair!” Tears welled in her wide, hazel eyes. She was a remarkably mature child most of the time, but her occasional tantrums could come on without warning.

  “Maggie, stop it. Now. Or we’re getting out and we’re not rafting.” Jason’s skin itched with the judgy gazes of the other passengers in the raft. He hated it when Maggie acted out in public. He could practically hear the whispers saying he wasn’t fit to be a parent. Not old enough, not responsible enough—look at how his child was behaving! Why couldn’t he control her? Terrible father…

  “But it’s not fair!” Her lip quivered and she banged her fists on her thighs.

  “Ben, I’m sorry. We’re going to have to go.” They hadn’t left the shore yet, and Jason stood to step out of the raft, his arms out for balance.

  “No, no!” Maggie wailed. “Daddy, I want to stay. I’m sorry. Please, please!”

  “Okay, but no more of this attitude today. Or we’re getting off.” Maggie nodded vigorously, and Jason sat again and nodded to Ben, who seemed to be waiting for a sign that it was okay to shove off.

  “You’re the lucky one, kiddo. We have to do all the work, and you get to sit back and enjoy it!” Ben patted her back. “Pretty good deal if you ask me.”

  This got a tiny smile out of Maggie, which wasn’t easy after one of her tantrums. Ben must have had children himself considering the patience and coaxing touch he had with her, and Jason was grateful for it. He realized he didn’t actually know if Ben was married or a father. He didn’t wear a ring, but that didn’t mean anything.

  Face down, Maggie wiped her red cheeks sheepishly, and Jason gave her a squeeze. She was always incredibly embarrassed after an outburst, and it made his heart ache.

  They headed into the center of the river with Ben giving them basic paddling instructions. Then he told them to put their paddles across their laps, and the raft drifted lazily.

  “Okay, so here’s what you need to know if you fall out. You won’t, but just in case, it’s important to know what to do. First off, the water’s darn cold, and it’ll knock the air right out of you. So make sure you force yourself to breathe. Float down the river on your back with your feet pointing in the direction you’re going. Don’t ever try to put a foot down. It’s very easy to get stuck between rocks, or any of the other detritus that might be down there—old tree branches and that kind of stuff. If you get stuck, you can be pulled under and trapped by the current.”

  Jason shuddered. “But we won’t fall out, right?”

  “Not if everyone paddles when I tell them to.” Ben grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ve got everything under control.” He clapped Jason on the shoulder.

  He swallowed hard as the warmth from Ben’s hand seemed to shoot right down to his dick. He practically squeaked, “Right. Good to know.”

  As Jason struggled to process his body’s reaction, Ben went on. “So, feet pointed downriver and don’t try to touch down. The other thing to remember is not to fight the current. You will not win. To get to shore, swim sideways, and eventually you’ll make your way over. Of course, if you happen to fall out of the boat today, we’ll pick you right back up, or one of the other rafts will.”

  Ben’s knee grazed Jason’s lower back, just below his life jacket. Under the wide blue sky, blinking into the sun as the river ebbed and flowed, Jason gripped his paddle.

  Holy shit.

  Then he admitted the truth.

  I’m attracted to Ben.

  He rolled the words around in his head, new and confusing—but undeniable.

  “Has anyone ever fallen out?” Maggie’s voice had returned to normal, and her tears were dry.

  “Oh, a few times,” Ben answered. “But only when they weren’t paying attention. I know I won’t have that problem today with this crew. Okay, it’s time to start paddling. Remember, do as I say, and know which side of the boat you’re on—left or right.”

  “Isn’t it port or starboard?” Maggie asked. “Like in the song about barges?”

  Ben chuckled. “Jason, you’ve got quite the budding sailor here. Yes, port is left, and starboard is right. But we find it easier not to confuse people with nautical terms, especially on a raft. Okay, we’re coming up on our first rapid. Can you hear the water?”

  The group nodded, and Jason’s pulse raced. The rapid came into sight, and Ben barked out an order for them to all paddle. Then the raft was flying through the air and splashing down in the roiling water, sweeping around rocks.

  “Right side, paddle hard! Hard!” Ben shouted.

  Jason was on the right, and he paddled as forcefully as he could, Maggie screaming with delight at his side. Almost like magic, the raft neatly avoided slamming into an outcropping of rocks.

  They glided out of the rapid as the river calmed once again. The current remained strong, and pulled them along at a steady pace.

  “That was awesome!” Maggie clapped her hands. “I want to do it again!”

  Ben laughed. “Don’t worry, there are plenty more where that came from.”

  “How do you know when to paddle and how to avoid the rocks?” Jason turned to ask, wiping the water that had sprayed up over his face.

  “Experience. After you’ve been down this river hundreds and hundreds of times, you know it like the back of your hand. Every eddy, every rock, every tree stump.”

  “Nice to know we’re in good hands.”

  “That you are.” Ben smiled, and…winked?

  Whipping back around, Jason clutched at the rope lining the raft. Ben didn’t…there was no way he was…he couldn’t be… He couldn’t he hitting on Jason? Could he? Jason’s new truth echoed through his head, joined by a question.

  I’m attracted to Ben. Is he attracted to me?

  “Paddles up!” Ben’s low, commanding voice sent a shiver down Jason’s spine. “We’ve got another rapid coming.”

  They were off again, water spraying up, cries of exhilaration all around as the raft successfully navigated the twists and turns of the river. After two rapids in close succession, the current calmed once more, and the raft drifted almost to a stop.

  “Okay, here’s the part where we all jump in and get the blood pumping.” Ben gave Jason a playful nudge. “Come on, get the ball rolling.”

  Dipping his hand into the water, Jason couldn’t hold in a yelp. “Oh my God, that’s freezing!”

  “Duh, it’s from the glacier, Dad.”

  “Hey, watch it or you’ll be the first one in!” Jason tickled Maggie under her arms, and she giggled and squirmed.

  “It’s hot out here. I’m ready for a dip.” With that, Ben stood, dropp
ed his helmet and life jacket at his feet, and somersaulted off the back of the raft. His splash soaked Jason and Maggie, who both gasped and sputtered.

  “Come on, Dad!”

  “Okay, okay.” Jason took off his helmet and helped Maggie with hers. Keeping their jackets on, they paused at the side of the raft as another member of their group jumped. Was this really a good idea? What if Maggie caught a cold?

  But she grinned up at him, face alight, her little hand clutching his, and Jason couldn’t deny her. He called, “One, two, three!” and propelled them off the raft. The frigid water was a slap in the face, and his whole body seized.

  Maggie shrieked and flapped around joyfully, screaming about how cold it was. Another raft had made its way down the river, and some of those people jumped in as well. Ben swam up and splashed water in Jason’s face.

  “Hey, I’m already soaked!” Jason laughed and splashed back, his heart like a drum.

  Their legs tangled under the water, bodies pressed close, only separated by the bulk of Jason’s life jacket. They both wore long shorts, and their calves rubbed together as they treaded water, skin slick, friction from their leg hair sending shivers through Jason.

  He realized he didn’t really need to try to keep himself afloat with the life jacket on, and with a nervous laugh that sounded like a weird honk, he propelled himself backwards and away as Ben watched him with a little smile. Jason’s mind whirled.

  Is Ben gay? Am I making something out of nothing? Is this something? What’s going on with me?

  Then it was time to heave themselves back into the raft. With helmets on and paddles ready, they prepared for the final set of churning rapids, which Ben navigated expertly. After the last bit of jostling white water, the river smoothed out again and they landed on the shore, where flatbed trucks for the rafts and minivans for the rafters waited to return them to the starting point.

  Taking a towel from one of the staff, Jason watched as Ben helped hoist a raft, his wet skin glistening in the sunlight, the dark hair on his chest showing through the soaked white cotton of his tank top.

  What would it feel like to rub against him?

  “Hellooo? Earth to Dad.”

  Jason forced his attention back to Maggie, helping her with the stubborn lid on a water bottle.

  It was crazy, but he felt a strange pang of disappointment when Ben rode back in a different van.

  Everyone clambered out in the parking lot, and he looked around for Ben. He caught his eye and waved. “Thanks for a great trip!” His pulse sped.

  “Anytime,” Ben replied as he approached, rubbing a towel over his hair. The fuzz on his chest was a shadow under his drying tank top, and Jason forced his gaze up as Ben asked, “What are you guys up to the rest of the day?”

  Maggie glared at Jason. “I want to drive all the way up Going-to-the-Sun Road, but Dad’s chicken.”

  “I’m not chicken. I’m cautious. The weather could turn again, and I don’t want to be stuck on a two-lane road up a mountain.”

  “Oh, but you have to do the Road to the Sun.” Ben smiled softly, a faraway glint in his eyes. “That’s what my dad called it.” He peered up at the sky. “I think it’s a good bet to do it now.” His gaze met Jason’s, sending a bolt down Jason’s spine. “If you want, I’ll drive you in my truck. I’ve done it a hundred times.” He motioned. “Besides, the road’s right there. We’re already on it.”

  “Awesome!” Maggie clapped and practically twirled. “Can we, can we? I’m sure Ben is a very safe driver.”

  “I like to think so.” Ben laughed.

  Jason had to smile. “How can I say no?”

  And as they followed Ben to his truck, he realized the only word echoing faintly in his mind was yes, yes, yes.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “Wow.” Jason stared at the swath of green valley. A sharp blue river cut through it, rocky hilltops reaching up to the huge expanse of sky, a few fluffy white clouds making the blue even richer.

  It had been slow going over the continental divide, the twisty road clogged with other tourists. They’d lucked into a prime location at one of the lookouts, and Ben had turned off the truck so they could stretch their legs and take in the view.

  As Ben pointed to a rock formation and talked to Maggie about tectonic plates, Jason couldn’t resist grabbing his sketchbook and pencils from his backpack. Leaning on the hood of the truck, he opened a fresh page, pencil flying.

  “It’s amazing!” Maggie exclaimed, and Jason glanced up to find her out of reach.

  He called, “Don’t go any closer to the edge, Mags.”

  She rolled her eyes over her shoulder. “Dad. It’s, like, way over there.”

  “I know, but… Be careful.”

  Ben gave Jason a smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep her safe and sound.” He nodded to the sketchbook. “I didn’t know you were an artist.”

  Jason scoffed. “I’m not. It’s just a stupid hobby.”

  “He’s so good, but he doesn’t believe me,” Maggie said. “He should be drawing pictures instead of working at the cookie factory. Even though I like the free cookies.”

  Heat in his cheeks, Jason shook his head. “Unfortunately we need to eat and pay the rent.” Ben hadn’t asked what he did for a living, and Jason had been grateful. He knew there was nothing to be ashamed of since the factory was an honest job, but when he’d attended Waltham Prep, expectations were far different. Even if he hadn’t wanted to go into business, he’d never envisioned a punch card in his future.

  Either way, his art was never going to pay the bills. Most of the time he was too tired and busy to draw much anyway. He looked down at the scratchings on his pad, his cheeks burning hotter. “It’s a waste of time.”

  “I disagree.” Ben had come closer and was watching him with those intense eyes under thick brows. “Art or anything that inspires passion in us is never a waste.” He swept his arm around. “Believe me, if I had an iota of artistic talent, I’d draw the hell out of the Road to the Sun. I mean, look at it. Look at all of this. To me, nature is art, and I think it’s incredibly valuable. It needs to be protected. Cherished!” His words spilled out, and he took a breath, chuckling. “I guess you hit a nerve. I’m so lucky to be able to work here, and I wish everyone could discover their passion. Explore it and cultivate it. If you want to draw, do it!”

  Jason’s heart raced, goosebumps waving over his bare arms despite the heat of the afternoon sun. He returned Ben’s smile, and the insane urge to hug him tolled through Jason like a bell. Ben got it. “You’re right. I…” He looked down at his pad, gripping the pencil so tight he might snap it.

  “Draw, draw!” Ben grinned. “Maggie and I will be over here talking about rocks and trees.”

  Maggie tugged Ben’s hand, walking farther down the lookout, mercifully not any closer to the edge. Jason was completely confident she was safe with Ben, and he turned his attention to the paper, his pencil flying over the pages as he drew the view from different angles, capturing what he saw in each direction.

  Then he focused on Maggie and Ben. Ben crouched, pointing into the distance as he spoke, Maggie nodding and listening avidly. Jason wished he had brought the colored pencils he’d left in the tent to capture the hint of dark red in Ben’s thick hair, or the blue of his eyes…

  I’m attracted to Ben.

  The words were becoming familiar now, but no less frightening. Or maybe that was the wrong word.

  Exhilarating.

  Yes, Jason’s belly fluttered with butterflies, nervous energy sending his pencil careening almost off the page. He turned to a fresh white sheet.

  Although he didn’t pay attention to women the same way, he’d always written off his long looks at other men as mere admiration. Envy of their fit muscles, appreciation of hard work at the gym. Nothing more. It had been easy to do because his recognition of other men’s attractiveness had always been…theoretical. Safe.

  He’d been able to tell himself it was like appreciating a sculptur
e in a museum because he’d had the same distance from them. But now here was Ben. Ben, who had smoothly slipped under the barricade in a blink.

  For years, Jason’s life had been Maggie and work. Work and Maggie, with as much sleep as he could steal in between. Now, far from the normalcy of home and routine, a protective layer had somehow been stripped away. He was feeling things the tunnel vision of his responsibilities had apparently blocked out. He watched Ben with a longing unlike anything he’d ever experienced, and it was more than physical attraction.

  Breathing deeply, he calmed his shaking hands and drew one more image.

  As they drove to the next lookout, Ben flicked on the radio, flipping through a couple of stations playing commercials. Then he hit one with music, and before Jason could stop himself, he said, “I love this song.”

  Ben turned up the radio with a quizzical smile. “Is this…Will Smith?”

  As “Wild, Wild West” filled the truck, Jason’s cheeks burned. “I loved this movie when I was a kid. Steampunk. It was cool.”

  Ben’s eyes twinkled. “You know all the words, don’t you?”

  Screw it. “As a matter of fact, I do. No shame.” He started rapping along as Maggie giggled. Ben drummed his fingers on the wheel to the beat, and joined in at the chorus. They sang terribly except for Ben, but it didn’t matter. In that moment with the sun and sky and mountains all around, peace and happiness sang through Jason along with cheesy Will Smith.

  When the song was over, Ben and Maggie applauded, and Jason gave a little bow. The traffic was slow as everyone admired the views. Maggie leaned forward as far as she could without taking off her seatbelt in the middle seat of the pickup bench. Jason and Ben shared a smile at her excitement, and Jason realized how rarely he had that gift. He’d been so determined to raise Maggie on his own.

  He tried to keep his voice casual as he asked Ben, “Do you have kids?”

  Ben kept his gaze on the road, his soft smile undeniably sad. “No. My ex and I talked about adopting, but it didn’t happen for us. He has a baby with his new husband.” The smile grew brittle, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. “It’s great for them.”