Ends of the Earth: Gay Romance Read online

  Every day, he knew in his heart that his little girl had been the only choice. Maggie was all he needed.

  She skipped all the way from the parking lot to the trailhead, where about ten people gathered. Jason made small talk with a few other campers as they waited for the guide.

  Maggie’s eyes lit up as she tugged on his arm. “Look, Dad. A real park ranger.”

  Jason glanced over at the man walking toward them in a green uniform. His short-sleeved shirt under a darker green vest stretched over broad shoulders, with a gold badge on his chest and leather belt snug around lean hips, green uniform pants hugging long legs. Probably in his late thirties or so, he was about Jason’s height—six feet—but likely had an extra twenty pounds of muscle compared to Jason’s lanky frame.

  “‘Dad’? My goodness.” An older woman blinked at Jason and Maggie, an incredulous smile tugging at her lips. “I thought this must be your kid sister.”

  Maggie ignored the woman with a clenched jaw, and Jason smiled thinly. “No. Maggie’s my daughter.” Given that his baby face made him look even younger than he was, they were used to this reaction, but familiarity didn’t make it any less damn annoying. He turned away from the woman and watched the ranger near.

  The ranger adjusted his tan hat over his short, thick, dark hair. The hat was almost like a Stetson but more round, with a brown leather band around it stamped with USNPS, which Jason assumed stood for U.S. National Parks Service.

  The man cleared his throat and spoke in a low baritone. “Hi, everyone. I’m Ben Hettler, and I’ll be your guide today. Welcome to Glacier National Park.” He told them a bit about the history of the area as they headed out onto the trail.

  “Does anyone know which variety this is?” He stopped by a gnarled tree with pine needles.

  Maggie’s hand shot into the air. When Ben motioned to her, she said, “Whitebark pine.”

  His cheeks creased. “The young lady knows her stuff. What kind of bird really likes to eat this tree’s seeds?”

  “Clark’s Nutcracker,” Maggie answered without hesitation.

  Ben rose his eyebrows and led them farther down the trail. “I see I’m going to have to step up my game here. What’s your name, kiddo?”

  The other campers on the hike didn’t seem to mind that Maggie had most of the answers and even more questions, so Jason didn’t try to hold her back. Every so often, Ben would stop and point out certain trees, bushes, or rock formations. He described the various indigenous animals, and gave them the same warning they’d heard everywhere about the potential danger of grizzly bears. Jason certainly didn’t need convincing.

  Maggie hiked alongside a game Ben, hanging on his every word. She was in her element, and Jason buzzed with pride. Montana was her dream come true, and it was worth every hour of overtime at the factory to see his baby this happy.

  Behind Maggie and Ben as they followed the twisting trail, Jason’s gaze wandered. He noticed Ben was in great shape. The green ranger uniform clung to his butt and powerful thighs, and his cardio fitness was probably excellent with all the hiking and outdoors work he did.

  Sometimes Jason found himself admiring other men’s muscles, but there was never time to bulk up himself. He wished his job on the assembly line involved more heavy lifting instead of standing there inspecting cookies. Although his co-worker Ryan was in amazing shape. Jason watched him sometimes, wondering just how much time Ryan spent getting sweaty at the gym.

  The day grew warmer with each passing minute, and Jason peeled off his sweatshirt and wrapped it around his waist, glad he’d worn a tee underneath. He gave his bare arms a critical glance before eyeing Ben’s lean, sculpted muscles.

  He refocused on what Ben was saying about wolverines being close to reaching endangered status, and Maggie piped up with some information she’d learned doing a book report. Ben surely knew everything she was saying, but he listened avidly as Maggie chattered away, and Jason gave him a grateful smile. Some people were impatient with Maggie’s tendency to talk a lot—loudly and rapidly—about things that excited her.

  After the tour ended back near the parking lot, Maggie continued to pepper Ben with questions until Jason intervened to let the guy off the hook. “Mags, I’m sure Mr. Hettler has other work to do.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  Ben smiled down at her. “Don’t be. I have some time, so fire away.”

  “Are you sure?” Jason asked. “We don’t want to keep you.”

  “Positive. Most of the people on my nature walks nod and smile with glazed expressions. It’s a pleasure to talk to someone as passionate as your sister.” Ben smiled again, this time at Jason. His white teeth were dazzling next to his tanned skin, and Jason found himself grinning back.

  “Maggie’s my daughter, actually. I’m Jason Kellerman, by the way.” He extended his hand, and Ben shook it firmly. Ben’s palm was slightly callused, and a strange, tingly warmth skittered up Jason’s arm.

  “Nice to meet you both. My apologies for the assumption.” His brow had furrowed, but he didn’t stare at them with disdain or judgement the way some people did.

  Jason waved his hand. “It’s okay, we get that a lot. Maggie, what did you want to ask?”

  She bounced on her toes. “Okay, so if we see a grizzly bear, will it try and eat us?”

  Ben looked thoughtful. “Well, little girls do taste awfully good.”

  Maggie giggled. “Be serious. Would it really try and eat me?”

  Ben dropped the teasing tone. “The simple answer is: maybe. But remember that bear attacks are extremely rare. If you’re sensible and take precautions, you’ll be just fine. Most bears want nothing to do with us.”

  She persisted. “But what if you do everything right and still run into a bear?”

  “If you see a bear in the wild, the first thing to remember is not to run. It’ll go against all your instincts, but if you run, the bear will follow, and believe me—bears can outrun anyone.”

  Jason tried to laugh. “Gee, that’s a comforting thought.”

  Ben smiled at him. “Don’t worry, grizzly attacks really are rare. So if you see one, first you assess the situation. How far away is the bear? Has it spotted you? If it hasn’t, back away slowly. Remember, don’t run. Now, if the bear does see you, just stay still, and talk to it in a calm voice. Bears don’t see very well, so it could help to let it know you’re a human by talking.”

  “Could help?” Jason asked.

  Ben spread his hands wide. “I’m afraid there are no guarantees when dealing with the wild.” He smiled again, and Jason’s stomach flip-flopped oddly. Talk of bears always made him nervous.

  “Daaad, stop interrupting!” Maggie eagerly waited for Ben to continue.

  Jason made a zipping-his-lips motion as Ben said, “Okay, so once it’s clear that the bear’s getting aggressive and not leaving, try and make yourself look as big and threatening as possible. Wave your coat over your head and shout, and hopefully the grizzly will decide you’re not worth its while.”

  “Maggie, remind me why we came to Montana?” Jason teased. She shushed him.

  “Like I said, no guarantees,” Ben added. “If the bear charges, then spray it with bear repellent. Basically pepper spray. Much more effective in a bear attack than a gun.”

  Jason frowned. “Do many people here carry guns?”

  “It’s unfortunately legal now in national parks. We discourage it, but that doesn’t mean visitors listen to us. You can be a great shot on the range, but it’s a different story when a six-hundred pound grizzly is charging. Bear spray is far more effective.”

  “We have some!” Maggie proudly patted Jason’s backpack.

  “Excellent. And if the bear is still in the vicinity after you spray, it’s time to curl up in a ball and play dead. Hug your knees to your chest and keep your head tucked in. If you have a pack on, you can lie on your stomach with your hands over the back of your neck. If you’re lucky, the pack will take the brunt
of any attack.”

  Maggie looked thoughtful. “How long do you play dead for?”

  “For as long as you have to. Even after you think the bear’s gone, wait a long while before you move. It’s entirely possible that the bear’s waiting nearby to make sure the threat—that’s you—has been contained. And if playing dead doesn’t dissuade it and the attack continues, you have to fight back.”

  “But the bears around here must be pretty used to people. They can’t be that dangerous, right?” Jason asked hopefully.

  “Actually that’s when bears are the most deadly, and grizzlies are dangerous no matter what.” Ben patted Jason’s arm, fingers squeezing the bare skin just below Jason’s T-shirt sleeve. “Don’t worry. Like I said, attacks are really rare. Although to properly answer Maggie’s initial question, there have been rare instances of bears stalking people with the sole purpose of eating them. In those cases, you’ll probably never see the attack coming.”

  Jason shuddered. “‘Stalking.’ Wonderful.”

  Maggie bit her lip. “But that won’t happen in the campground, right?”

  Ben shook his head. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. You’re locking up your food tightly?”

  She nodded. “Yes! We’re being very careful.”

  “Then I’m sure you don’t have anything to worry about.” Ben squeezed her shoulder.

  Just then a group of kids nearby whooped with excitement, circled around something on the ground. Maggie switched gears effortlessly as she ran over to see what was going on, any worry over bears forgotten.

  Jason laughed. “Sorry, she has an insatiable quest for knowledge. This is basically her Disneyland. She’s obsessed with national parks and mountains. When she was little we rented a nature DVD from the library and I ended up buying her a copy. She pretty much wore it out and the interest never faded.”

  “That’s terrific. I wish more kids were interested in wildlife and conservation.” Ben took off his hat, his long fingers toying with the brim. “Where are you folks from?”

  “Huh?” Jason jerked his gaze up from Ben’s hands. “Oh, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia area.”

  “I’ve never been. What’s it like?” Beneath long lashes, Ben’s sea-blue eyes were focused on him, and Jason went hot to the tips of his ears.

  He stammered, “It—uh, well it, you know, it has its pros and cons.” So eloquent. “Great museums and stuff.” He winced internally. He sounded like a dumb kid, and turned the conversation back to Ben. “Philly feels like another universe compared to how wild it is Montana. Are you from around here?”

  “I am. Born and raised in Kalispell.”

  “Population twenty-two thousand, right? First established at the end of the nineteenth century after the railway was built. There’s a dragon boat festival in September.”

  Head tilting, Ben smiled quizzically. “Sounds about right.”

  Why am I being such a spaz? “Maggie did her term project on Montana last year and couldn’t stop talking about it. Guess some of the info sunk in.” He jammed his hands into his jeans pockets.

  “Nice to have visitors who’ve done their research. Is Maggie’s mom here too?”

  Jason kept his tone even. He despised talking about this. Hated the pity and questions that followed, and the incredulity that he could possibly be raising a child alone. “No, her mother died when Maggie was a baby. It’s just the two of us.”

  Ben blanched. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

  “No, no, it’s okay. You didn’t know. Obviously.”

  Ben scratched at his head, mussing his thick brown hair, and Jason had the insane urge to reach up and straighten it. Fortunately he kept his hands in his pockets as an awkward silence stretched out. He waited for Ben to ask the usual questions, but Ben only fiddled with his hat, those long fingers smoothing over the band of leather.

  Finally, Jason blurted, “I like your hat.”

  “Thanks.” Ben’s low chuckle sent a shiver down Jason’s spine. “Want to try it on?”

  Maggie called, “Dad! Come see this!”

  Feeling oddly guilty, Jason whipped around and squinted at where the kids were gathered over something in the dirt. “Apparently there’s something I’ve got to see. I should let you get back to work anyway. I’m sure you have plenty of other…rangery things to do.” He hesitated. “It uh, well… It was really cool to meet you.” Oh my God, I am so lame. “We’ll be sure to lock our food up tight. Thanks for the tour.”

  “Anytime. Which site did you pick?”

  “Bear Creek. Not very reassuringly named, by the way.”

  Ben grinned. “That’s one of the sites on my route. At night, I make sure everyone’s food is locked and confiscate it if it’s not. Maybe I’ll see you around. And I’m doing another hike tomorrow morning on a different trail. I can change the focus and give Maggie some new info.”

  “Really? That would be great.” Jason’s voice rose excitedly, and he cleared his throat. “As long as it’s not any trouble.”

  “No trouble at all. I like to mix things up anyway. So I’ll catch you tomorrow? Nine o’clock. If I don’t see you tonight first.”

  “Uh-huh. See ya.” Jason waved and came alarmingly close to tripping over his own feet as he hurried off to make sure Maggie wasn’t getting up to any trouble. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the circle.

  “Look, it’s a fossil!”

  Jason examined the strange-looking rock the kids had found. He was pretty sure it wasn’t a fossil, but didn’t want to burst their bubble. “That’s awesome!”

  Maggie looked back to where Ben was heading toward the ranger station. “He’s nice. I like him.”

  Jason followed her gaze. “Yeah.” Ben had stopped to talk to a young couple, smiling at them and pointing toward a trailhead. Obviously he was kind and helpful with everyone, and there was no reason whatsoever Jason should be feeling a ripple of…disappointment? Jason was just another camper Ben was being friendly to. It was the man’s job, after all.

  “Can we have lunch soon?”

  He refocused on Maggie’s hopeful face. “Lunch? It’s barely ten o’clock! I don’t know where you put it all.”

  She shrugged and skipped off toward the parking lot. Jason glanced over his shoulder and watched Ben disappear inside the ranger station. Ben was only being nice, but it would be cool to hang with him again. Jason didn’t get the chance to have many grown-up conversations, and Ben was great with Maggie. Why shouldn’t Jason want to see more of him?

  As he followed Maggie to the car, Ben’s baritone rumbled in a loop in Jason’s mind.

  “If I don’t see you tonight first.”

  For some reason, it sounded like a promise.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Ben watched Maggie and Jason Kellerman through the window in the ranger station as they walked to their car. “Hey, Dee. Who’s working the Bear Creek clean-up?”

  Dee, nearing retirement but in better shape than most people half her age, picked up her wire-rimmed glasses and opened a folder. “That’s Tyree’s route.”

  “Think you can switch us for the rest of this week?”

  “Why? What’s wrong with Cloud Lake?” She raised an eyebrow.

  Ben shrugged. “Nothing. Just feel like a change is all. If it’s a big deal—”

  “Did I say it was a big deal? Tyree’s off this week anyway, so I’ll just put his temp on your detail. Satisfied?” She tucked an errant strand of gray-blond hair behind her ear and tightened her ponytail.

  “Thanks.”

  It could be slim pickings for a gay man living in the wilds of Montana, and Ben had an inkling that Jason Kellerman might provide a needed diversion. Sure, he had a kid and apparently a dead wife or girlfriend, but Ben’s instincts were rarely wrong. Jason had definitely been checking out Ben’s ass during the hike.

  When the Kellermans drove away, Ben turned from the window and holed himself up in his little closet of an office in the rear of the station, flipping through a ne
w accident report and rubber-stamping it.

  His mind kept wandering back to Jason. Tall, slim, sandy blond hair that curled over the tops of his ears, and a killer smile with juicy lips. Hard to believe he had a kid Maggie’s age since he didn’t look a day over twenty. Ben wasn’t usually into younger guys, but Jason Kellerman was clearly older than he appeared, so why the hell not?

  As if on fucking cue, Brad’s voice rang out from the main office. Groaning, Ben sat frozen at his desk. Should he go say hello? Be mature and rational like the forty-one-year-old man he was?

  After all, Brad Cusack was the district manager and technically his boss. Ben couldn’t avoid him. Shouldn’t. It wasn’t as if he were in love with Brad anymore. They hadn’t been in love with each other for a long time, and that was part of the reason Brad had an affair and dumped Ben for a hot actor with a ranch near Great Falls. After just about two decades together—half their lives—their relationship had just…evaporated.

  The usual swirl of shame and indignation churned Ben’s gut. Since college in Missoula, he and Brad had been “B&B,” openly gay and fighting for equality in the parks service, which they’d gotten since they were both dedicated to their jobs. Acceptance from colleagues had followed, and they’d eventually planned to marry and start a family.

  But that had all been before Brad started moving up the parks food chain, more interested in administration than actually being out in the wild. Even after marriage equality was won by the Supreme Court’s ruling, there had always been one reason or another why it wasn’t a good time to plan a ceremony, let alone begin the difficult adoption process.

  Then Brad met Tyson Lockwood.

  In the outer office, a baby wailed, and Ben squeezed his eyes shut against the swell of resentment and longing.

  Brad and Tyson Lockwood had married on horseback at Lockwood’s ranch the year before, and had now adopted a little boy. People Magazine had featured glossy, breathless, five-page spreads on both events.

  Ben flattened his hands on the smooth, worn wood of his desk, listening to the murmur of deep voices as the baby wept. Over the years as he and Brad had grown apart, Ben had thought they wanted different things. But as it turned out, Brad did want marriage and a family—just not with him.