Ends of the Earth: Gay Romance Read online

  Brad had even kept their house outside Kalispell, albeit with grand new wings jutting out on either side. One night in a particularly self-pitying mood, Ben had driven by, slowing his pickup to peer into the gloom at the home, so familiar after living there more than ten years, but utterly foreign at the same time, dwarfed by the wood and glass additions.

  The windows had been dark, and Ben figured Brad and Tyson were at the ranch. He’d pulled into the driveway, thinking about getting out and actually peeking in the shadowy windows, when a stark motion-sensor light illuminated the night.

  Blinking into the harsh white glow, he’d slammed the truck into reverse and sped back to his dad’s old cabin, humiliation burning his cheeks.

  That same shame flushed him now, and he shoved back his chair. No, he wasn’t going to hide in his tiny office. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t cheated or lied. Squaring his shoulders, he took a long breath and opened the door.

  The baby—Lincoln—was cooing now, cradled in Dee’s arms. She looked up, her face creasing guiltily. Ben put on a wide smile. “Hi, Brad. Tyson. Great to see you.”

  “Ben!” Brad was out of uniform, so apparently this was a social call. He was still stupidly handsome with his crooked smile and green eyes, fit and tall, cowboy boots heavy on the wooden floor as he strode over to shake Ben’s hand and pull him into a back-slapping half hug as if they were fishing buddies.

  Tyson was right behind him, taller and even more stupidly handsome with gleaming white teeth—too straight and perfect to be anything but veneers—and brown skin. He pumped Ben’s hand, and they all pretended they were great old friends, and that Ben’s heart hadn’t been eviscerated, no matter how much he and Brad had grown apart.

  Ben nodded at Lincoln, still being held by Dee, who kept her gaze down. “He’s really growing.”

  “Every day we notice something new,” Brad gushed. “It’s incredible.”

  Tyson asked, “Would you like to hold him?”

  In the beat of awkward silence, bile rose in Ben’s throat. God, he did want to hold him. He’d always imagined fatherhood as a huge part of his life. Raising and shaping and loving his kids, guiding their first steps, bandaging scraped knees, reading stories before bed and giving in as they begged for just one more.

  He wanted to explore the world with them, take them camping and hiking the way his dad had. Teach them to love the forests and lakes and mountains the way he did. He wanted more from life than he had. He wanted a family.

  Now Brad had one with Tyson. How wonderful for them.

  With all eyes on him, Ben managed a smile. “No, no. I’ve got work to do.” But to prove it didn’t bother him—nope, not him, not bothered at all—he went over and leaned close, ignoring Dee’s sympathetic gaze. “Hey, little guy. He’s beautiful.”

  Lincoln gurgled, and when Ben tapped his nose, Lincoln grabbed onto his index finger, his tiny, pudgy hand gripping with surprising strength. Ignoring a pang of wistful longing echoing dully in his chest, Ben stepped away and smiled brightly as he asked, “You guys on vacation?” He realized he was fisting his hands and forced his fingers to relax.

  “Just for a few days,” Tyson answered. “I’m going to New York next week to shoot a movie, so we wanted to make the rounds of all the offices and show off Lincoln like Brad promised everyone.”

  “Terrific,” Ben said too forcefully.

  Brad eyed him over a strained smile. “Great job on the proposal for the new guest services. I’m going to push for it with the board, but they’re cutting back more and more. I can’t make any promises.”

  You never could. “Sure, sure.” The phone rang, and Ben practically lunged for his office. “Dee, I’ll get it. Catch you guys later!” He shut the door behind him and stabbed at the blinking light on the phone to take what turned out to be a report of garbage dumped on the side of a road, which would draw bears.

  A few minutes later, there was a tentative knock at his door, and he forced an even, pleasant tone. Nothing wrong with me! Nope, not a thing. “Come in.”

  Dee filled the doorway. “They’re gone.”

  Ben glanced back at his paperwork. “Hmm? Oh, okay.”

  “Sorry about that.” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “You know, with the kid.”

  Some of the tension loosened from Ben’s shoulders, and his smile was real. “You’re allowed to hold the cute baby, Dee.”

  She sighed. “Too bad his fathers are schmucks.”

  “Yeah, well. That’s life, right? He can cry into his millions.”

  “Brad’s got some nerve. If he wasn’t the boss, I’d tell him exactly what I think.” She crossed her arms. “You know you deserved that promotion to chief ranger. You’re never going to get your due here, not with him in charge. He’s afraid people will cry favoritism if he promotes you.”

  “Not much I can do about that.”

  “I mean, you shouldn’t even be on nightly food patrol. With all your years of experience? You’re way beyond that, and he knows it. We all know it.”

  Ben shrugged. “I don’t mind that part, actually. It’s peaceful at night, walking through the campgrounds.” He loved strolling under the stars, spotting the campers around their fires, or knowing they were tucked away snug in their tents. It made him feel good to keep them safe.

  Despite the many warnings, some visitors didn’t take the threat of bears seriously, and while Ben didn’t enjoy confiscating food, he was responsible for these people, and it brought him a sense of calm and satisfaction he couldn’t really explain.

  “Be that as it may, you know there is something you can do about the fact that you deserve more from this job.” Dee raised an eyebrow. “I know Grand Teton wanted you to head up their program.”

  Shaking his head, Ben tapped his computer and pulled up a random file. “I’m happy here. This is my home.”

  “It is, but I’m calling a load of BS on the happy part. You mean to tell me you’re really happy as pie living all alone in that ramshackle old cabin of your pa’s?”

  “I like the peace and quiet. Besides, it’s temporary.”

  “You moved out of the house in Kalispell two years ago.”

  “I haven’t found the right place.” He jabbed at the keyboard. “But this is my home, Dee. I’ll be damned if I let Brad and Tyson run me out.”

  Her lined face softened. “I know. I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you so miserable.”

  “I’m fine!” He tried to laugh, not quite succeeding.

  “When was the last time you had a date?”

  Ben didn’t think the quick grope and blowjob with a random guy from Grindr in East Glacier Park Village counted as an actual date. He leveled Dee with an exaggeratedly accusing look. “And when was the last time you had a date?”

  She barked out a laugh. “When you’ve been married thirty years, it qualifies as a date when your husband takes you to the sports bar to watch the game, holds the door for you, and turns away to burp.”

  “And they say romance is dead.”

  The phone rang, and Dee retreated to answer it. The mention of the word “manhunt” piqued Ben’s interest, and he came to lean a hip against her desk. He raised his eyebrows when she hung up. “Well?”

  “There’s a killer on the loose from Whitefish. Chance he might be heading into the park. Also a chance he already escaped south, but I guess we’d better be safe than sorry.”

  “What’s the story?”

  “Scumbag blew away his ex-girlfriend and her new guy in a convenience store last night. Did the cashier too for good measure.”

  “Oh yeah, I heard about that. Do we have a description?”

  Dee nodded to the corner. “Fax should be coming any minute.”

  She went back to her paperwork, and Ben lingered by the fax machine. The mug shot was two years old according to the accompanying note. The beady eyes of a man in his thirties with unkempt hair cut into a mullet style stared back at Ben. The man had a thick, muscular neck, but his chin
was small and weak, his nose crooked, as if it had been broken a few times.

  “Looks like a real charmer,” he noted.

  Dee glanced up from her desk, and Ben turned the page toward her. She snorted. “Yep. If you’re bored, want to make some copies for me?”

  “Sure.” The photocopier had been built sometime in the Stone Age, but it got the job done. According to the description on the police alert, this Harlan Brown was not only armed and dangerous, but was a paranoid survivalist who had extensive knowledge of the area and had been known to drop off the grid for weeks at a time.

  Great. He might be hiding right under their noses. “I’ll put these up. Can you make sure the other stations have them too?”

  Dee didn’t look up. “Will do. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about, but I wouldn’t want to run into this creep out there.”

  Ben picked up the pile of copies and looked at the mug shot again. “Definitely not.”

  The stars twinkled into sight as Ben parked his truck near the entrance to the Bear Creek campground. He was a full hour early to begin his inspection rounds, but he wanted to find out exactly where Jason and Maggie were camping before they went to bed. Maybe he’d be invited back later if his instincts about Jason Kellerman were right.

  Ben ambled down the dirt road that twisted through the campsites. He was hungry for the feel of another man beneath him. Seeing Brad had served to remind him how unsatisfying their sex life had become years before Tyson Lockwood had even entered the picture.

  When Ben and Brad met in college, they’d been young and fumbling. Brad had never liked the idea of bottoming, refusing even to try it. Ben never pushed—Brad had every right to his preferences. But as the years passed and Ben had wanted to explore and expand their boundaries, Brad was never enthusiastic. He’d always hated the mess of sex, wanting everything tidy and contained.

  Kicking a rock into the undergrowth with a violent rustle of leaves, Ben wondered if Brad was like that with Tyson. Maybe he just didn’t want my dick inside him. Probably bends over for Tyson Lockwood daily. Gives him everything I wanted. Adopts a baby with him. Why were we ever even together?

  It was all tainted now. Half his life, and he couldn’t help but look back on it as a waste.

  After the breakup, it had taken Ben months to even think about screwing other guys, and aside from the odd trip to Butte’s pathetic excuse for a gay bar or a couple quick online hookups, there hadn’t been anyone. Certainly not anyone who mattered.

  The guy in East Glacier had been wearing a wedding band, and Ben had tried to ignore it, telling himself as the man sucked him that it was none of his business. But he’d felt dirty in a way that had nothing to do with the sex.

  That had been months ago when winter was thawing, and now it was July, the heat of summer lingering as night fell, slick on his skin. He wanted more than nameless sex with a stranger.

  Ben snorted to himself, mumbling, “So you know Jason’s name. Yes, that’ll make it so much more meaningful.” Hell, he didn’t even know if Jason was interested. He might think Ben was a creep. And I just might be.

  Maybe he yearned for a bit of company too. His dad’s old cabin had been a magical place when he was a kid, but now that it was home, it felt empty. He and Brad had had a group of friends in Kalispell, but it was awkward after the breakup, and Ben rarely saw them after moving out of town.

  Dad was gone now, and Mom had passed when he was still a teenager. He probably had cousins somewhere, but he didn’t know them. He’d always imagined having kids by forty. He told himself he was fine on his own, but sometimes he wished…

  “Christ,” he muttered. There was his sentimental streak, rearing its ugly, useless head. His family was gone, and Brad had made a new family without him. He needed to man up and deal with it.

  The moon was almost full, so he didn’t need to turn on his flashlight as he navigated the campground. Many campers were gathered around their fires, and he scanned the faces far too eagerly.

  After half an hour, Ben still hadn’t spotted Jason. He was just about to give up and get to work when he heard a man and child singing off-key. As he neared the campsite, he spotted Maggie’s bright hair, the echo of firelight catching in the golden strands.

  When he realized what they were singing, he smiled in the darkness. John Denver and his country roads had been a favorite of Ben’s parents, and he joined in without thinking.

  Jason shot up from his perch on a log beside the fire, squinting toward the dark road. “Hello? Who’s there?”

  Ben stepped into the campsite with a wave, pushing up the brim of his hat. “Sorry to startle you. I was just passing by.”

  Jason visibly relaxed. “Oh, hey.” He rubbed his palms on his jeans, seemingly anxious all over again. “We were just…hanging out.” He cleared his throat.

  “You sounded great, and don’t let anyone tell you any differently.”

  Ben could swear Jason was blushing. “Yeah, well. Maggie loves campfire songs even though I’m not good at them.”

  “You’re awesome, Dad. Hi, Ben! Do you want a marshmallow?” She thrust a stick toward him, a gooey mess stuck to the end of it.

  “Thanks, Maggie.” He pulled off the warm marshmallow and savored the sticky sweetness.

  “Can I get you something?” Jason asked. “Um, I don’t really drink.” He opened a nearby cooler and fished around. “There’s soda, juice, water and, uh, milk. Or I could make some coffee?”

  Ben smiled. “Soda’s great.” He took a seat on the log next to Maggie, resting his hat on his knee. Jason passed him a cold can of cola and sat on her other side.

  “So. Um, nice night, huh?” Jason asked.

  He was clearly nervous. Maybe a good sign? Ben didn’t know why he was even entertaining this idea of starting something with Jason. He should probably just leave the guy in peace, but there was something about him and his crooked smile that intrigued Ben in a way he hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. He took a swig of cola. “Beautiful. I guess you don’t see stars like this in Philadelphia.”

  “Nope. It’s amazing out here.”

  Maggie speared another marshmallow with her stick and held it over the fire. “Ben, will you sing a song with us?”

  “Well, I’m not much of a singer. You might regret asking me.”

  “It’s okay, my dad can’t sing either.”

  “Hey!” Jason faked offense. “You just said I was good. I’ll have you know I was in the choir all through school. Sure, it was mandatory, but that’s not the point.”

  Maggie giggled and turned her stick, browning the marshmallow. “Come oooon. Let’s sing.”

  “Maggie, don’t whine,” Jason said. “It’s okay, Ben. You don’t have to.”

  “How about you sing one for us, Maggie?” Ben suggested.

  “Okay. I learned this in Girl Scouts.” She cleared her throat dramatically before launching into a slightly off-key version of “Puff the Magic Dragon.” When she was finished, both Jason and Ben clapped. Ben asked, “You ever think about going pro?”

  She grinned. “Maybe in a few years. I have to at least finish sixth grade first, and I’m only going into fourth.”

  Jason added, “Oh, you’ll be finishing a lot more than sixth grade, young lady.”

  “You know, that song used to bum me out when I was a kid.” Ben took a swig of cola. “Man, I haven’t heard it in years.”

  “I guess it is kind of depressing, with Puff losing his friend and going to wallow in his cave,” Jason said.

  “Yeah, but I thought the kid died. You know, dragons live forever, but not little boys.”

  Jason laughed. “Okay, I can see how that would be a serious downer.”

  Maggie frowned. “So Puff never finds another friend?”

  “No, of course he did,” Ben assured her. “He found lots of other friends. Dragons are never alone for long. They’re way too awesome.”

  She seemed to ponder it before yawning widely. “Yeah, you’re right.�
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  “I think it’s time for bed, Mags,” Jason said. “It’s been a long day.”

  She suddenly sat up straighter. “I’m not tired at all! Let’s sing another song.”

  “No, it’s time for bed.” Jason nodded to the tent.

  “Dad,” Maggie pleaded.

  “Maggie, I said no whining. Bed.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. Go get your toothbrush.” He pulled the car key from his pocket and pressed a button. With a chirp and dull thud, the trunk opened. “And toothpaste.”

  “Fine.” She huffed loudly and stomped toward the car.

  “And no pouting, either!” Jason called after her. He turned back to Ben. “Sorry about that.”

  “Kids, right? Don’t worry about it. I’d better get to work anyway.” He got to his feet. “Thanks for the drink.”

  “Sure, of course. Um, thanks for stopping by. It was cool.” Jason stood as well and offered his hand.

  Ben took it, holding on for a moment longer than necessary. He had to fight the urge to draw him closer and skim his fingers over the hair on Jason’s forearms. He wondered if he had hair on his chest, or below his belly button…

  He blinked and dropped Jason’s hand. He usually went for beefy guys his own age, but there was something about this young man. So responsible, but with that baby face and lean body. Shit, he was beautiful.

  Shoving his hands in his pockets, Jason licked his full lips. “Um, I should…” He motioned toward the car, where Maggie rummaged in the trunk.

  “I can stop by later.” Ben’s heart thudded. “If you’ll still be up.” Say yes.

  Jason’s brow furrowed slightly. “Later? I’ll be sleeping. All this fresh air, and Maggie gets up at the crack of dawn.”

  Damn. Playing hard to get. Or maybe he was reading Jason entirely wrong? He smiled and tried not to feel too disappointed, failing miserably as he put his hat back on. “Right. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow morning. For the hike.” Could he have been imagining the undercurrent running between them? “If you’re still interested. No pressure. I’m sure there are a hundred things Maggie wants to do and—” And stop babbling like a goddamned idiot.